Guilty? Guilty of what, exactly?

OK, I'll briefly explain the name of this blog, as many people (especially those not directly affected) might wonder what I'm on about. Guilty by default? Who? Why? Guilty of what?

It's my own subjective viewpoint that unmarried fathers and fathers-to-be are treated under German law as being guilty. Without trial and without justification, you are automatically considered unfit for joint custody as soon as your child is born. It's left to the subjective discretion of the mother, to decide whether you become a legal guardian of your own child or not. Less than half of all unmarried mothers take this step.

Many mothers don't do it simply out of ignorance. If the law was consistent with the rest of Europe and joint custody was automatic, they wouldn't give it a second thought. However, under the adage of "Don't change a running system", they misunderstand the importance of joint custody and see no need to apply for it. In many cases, the father also doesn't realise the implications... until it's too late.

I hold nothing against unmarried mothers who fall into this category. Ignorance is not a crime, it's the state that has failed, with a fundamentally flawed law and misleading advice from the CWS.

Unfortunately, there is a second group, for whom the law plays right into their hands. This group are not ignorant of the facts. They are not stupid. They refuse to give the father joint custody, because they value their own power status over family values. They know that with sole custody they have full control and everything in their power to keep the father at arms length.

So you've done nothing wrong. You're a law abiding father, who loves his child just as much as any happily married father. Not only that, but you have the same rights as any married father and most significantly your child also has rights. But the child's mother has the power and the (contradictory to basic German law) right to refuse you this. Without justification, without even making a formal application - because, as a man, you are guilty by default!

This is wrong! This is wronger than a brothel in a nunnery and the law needs to change now!!!

The argument is always that not all fathers are responsible, loving and caring and that this clause is there to protect both mother and child. I don't deny that and in those cases one should quite rightly question his right to custody, but those are the exceptions. In a democratic society "Innocent until proven guilty" is a basic right, so why doesn't it apply to custody of ones own child? It does in every other European country. Give the father custody and revoke it if necessary, but don't let the mother take the law into her own hands and refuse custody simply because she doesn't like him any more!

I am not a criminal, I'm a father who loves and wants to care for his child. I have nothing to prove – you prove to me that I'm not worthy of joint custody!